News from the Town & Gown

  • Introducing the Bejant Observer

    November 9, 2019 by

    Fair and balanced. Welcome to the Bejant Observer. The editorial board proudly presents the University of St Andrews’s newest and boldest satirical magazine. After three years of life, love, and loss on our island of Canada Geese and moral relativism, we have decided to launch a much needed magazine to bring a healthy dose of… Read more


    June 18, 2021 by

    When King Alexander III broke his neck on the sands of Kinghorn just a few miles east of St Andrews in 1286, nearly two hundred years of peaceful relations between Scotland and England were stymied. What followed was a bloody and decades long succession crisis as a wide cast of claimants from across Britain sought… Read more

  • April 14, 2021 by

    Every great society, from the satrapies of Ur and Babylon to the ‘grande empire’ of Napoleon, was made or broken by the strength of its high street shops. Regulations, divined behind closed doors and handed down by cruel diktat, only allow so-called ‘essential shops’ to remain open. But who voted for these occult mechanisms, these… Read more

  • Student Believes This Semester Will Be Better

    December 28, 2020 by

    Last Saturday, our editorial team sat (far away) from fourth-year Classicist and serial optimist Landon Smegg, of Rugby, England. Though this past year has proved challenging for many socialites, who have rued the cancellation of events like Reeling Ball and secret club initiations, some students, like Mr Smegg, remain hopeful. “No, seriously, with the vaccine… Read more

  • Our November Picks

    November 12, 2020 by

    What we are watching We are watching McDonald’s ASMR-ish with John Goodman, a video so powerful that it was scrubbed from the internet on every platform but Vimeo and a single fake Texas McDonald’s Facebook account. One time Golden Globe and Emmy winner, John Goodman, is utterly captivating in his review of the new Quarter… Read more

  • A Letter from the Editor from Beijing

    November 3, 2020 by

    Dear Readers, Thanks to those of you who have written in with concern or with questions regarding the unfortunate decrease in the amount of B.O. content of late. I am now in a position, both physically and psychologically, where I am able to address your queries.  Let me say first off that I am here… Read more

  • Gagging for help

    September 25, 2020 by

    Fresher’s Flu is a well known affliction upon arrival at uni. It is an intrinsic part of the university experience as well as a unifying bond amongst the student body. However, in entering my third year I appear to be dealing with something else entirely, and NO, not what you’re thinking. That’s a cheap shot… Read more

  • Opinion: ‘American’s Shouldn’t Have to Quarantine’

    September 13, 2020 by

    Facts don’t care about your feelings, and the fact is I feel fine. Just a few hours ago I stepped off of a business class flight directly from Philadelphia International Airport to Toronto, then Cuba, a short layover at JFK, before finally traversing Greenland, Iceland, and landing in Edinburgh. Before I got on that flight… Read more

  • Personifying STDs

    September 5, 2020 by

    “What terrible plague hath befallen this place?”             “Ah, sire…The plague called love. I know it well! But, tarry not! A greater foe readies himself as we speak.”   “Pray, do not mock me! Share this knowledge with me, mayhap I bring glory to God and save all of our souls. I make this pledge… Read more

  • Student Spotting

    June 14, 2020 by

    As May bleeds into June, and the UK enters its third month of lockdown, St Andrews remains a desolate wasteland. Seagulls cannibalise each other, searching for something – anything, really – to fill in that gaping absence of the Greggs sausage roll. No hipsters are skateboarding to the library; only the lingering scent of their… Read more

  • Update: Nothing to Report

    June 6, 2020 by

    FROM THE EDITORS: Over and above its desire to make St Andrews students laugh, the Bejant Observer recognises the seriousness of current events in the United States and elsewhere. The below article is the first factual journalistic piece filed under the Observer’s News desk. It seeks to explain the controversy over Principal Sally Mapstone’s latest… Read more

  • Sally Mapstone AI Version 3 Fails Turing Test

    May 22, 2020 by

    When St Andrews students opened their email accounts on May 21 to find a 1067 word document comprised of 25 grammatically sound but thematically disjointed paragraphs it became immediately clear that the correspondence had been composed by some sort of semi-sentient robot. In an interview today with the Bejant Observer an IBM spokesperson has confirmed… Read more

  • Our April Picks

    April 25, 2020 by

    What we are watching April is shit. Life is kinda dull and content is slow. That is why we are spending the month watching the Louis Theroux documentary catalogue where we can delight in his tender moments with Scientologists, Jimmy Saville, Joe Exotic (before it was cool), and opioid addicts in the US. What we… Read more

  • Goodnight Moon(er): An Early Morning Bedtime Tale

    April 19, 2020 by

    In a great brown room There was a hapsburg chin And a poison flume And a vision of- A lass unveiled beneath the moon And there were three little heirs sitting on chairs And two fair maidens Their rears unladen  And leafless gamin Sent to ease their famine And a pint and a cask, and… Read more

  • Students take part in traditional St Andrews Pier Walk

    April 13, 2020 by

    Every Sunday, after chapel service, hundreds of students at the University of St Andrews don their iconic red academic gowns and take part in the traditional Pier Walk along the harbour walls of St Andrews. The Pier Walk is one of the oldest customs in St Andrews, encapsulating the university’s dedication to traditional values and… Read more

  • Follow The Money: Where Did The Rest Of Your Polo Refund Go?

    April 6, 2020 by

    The 1976 Oscar-nominated film “All the President’s Men” covers the true story of Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein who broke the Watergate Scandal. In the film and in real life, whistle blower “Deep Throat” encouraged the reporters to “follow the money” and discover just how high up the scandal went. Earlier this… Read more

  • Our March Picks

    March 8, 2020 by

    In the first pick-series for The Bejant Observer, the editorial board has put together a list of inspiring content across platforms and borders. What To Watch Our clear favorite for this month is the Youtube channel “All Gas No Breaks”. He is a true voice of the people and has figured out a Pulitizer-worthy formula.… Read more

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