Student Believes This Semester Will Be Better

Last Saturday, our editorial team sat (far away) from fourth-year Classicist and serial optimist Landon Smegg, of Rugby, England. Though this past year has proved challenging for many socialites, who have rued the cancellation of events like Reeling Ball and secret club initiations, some students, like Mr Smegg, remain hopeful. “No, seriously, with the vaccine... Continue Reading →

Our November Picks

What we are watching We are watching McDonald’s ASMR-ish with John Goodman, a video so powerful that it was scrubbed from the internet on every platform but Vimeo and a single fake Texas McDonald’s Facebook account. One time Golden Globe and Emmy winner, John Goodman, is utterly captivating in his review of the new Quarter... Continue Reading →

Update: Nothing to Report

FROM THE EDITORS: Over and above its desire to make St Andrews students laugh, the Bejant Observer recognises the seriousness of current events in the United States and elsewhere. The below article is the first factual journalistic piece filed under the Observer’s News desk. It seeks to explain the controversy over Principal Sally Mapstone’s latest... Continue Reading →

Sally Mapstone AI Version 3 Fails Turing Test

When St Andrews students opened their email accounts on May 21 to find a 1067 word document comprised of 25 grammatically sound but thematically disjointed paragraphs it became immediately clear that the correspondence had been composed by some sort of semi-sentient robot. In an interview today with the Bejant Observer an IBM spokesperson has confirmed... Continue Reading →

Our April Picks

What we are watching April is shit. Life is kinda dull and content is slow. That is why we are spending the month watching the Louis Theroux documentary catalogue where we can delight in his tender moments with Scientologists, Jimmy Saville, Joe Exotic (before it was cool), and opioid addicts in the US. What we... Continue Reading →

A Welsh Invasion?

“We just don’t know how we let this happen” As a result of new admissions guidelines, the incoming University of St Andrews class of 2024 will include an unprecedented number of Welsh students. The University of St Andrews Admissions Department has adopted new university guidelines for the 2019-2020 undergraduate admissions cycle; the modified admissions process... Continue Reading →

Deadly Coronavirus Traced to Condemned Mammacita

Bombshell reports arrived Sunday from the Ministry of Health of the People’s Republic of China, confirming that they had traced the deadly coronavirus to its source. The virus, which has killed over 80 people and infected thousands across the globe, was originally thought to originate in Wuhan, Hubei Province. The Chinese government, in response, has... Continue Reading →

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