Student Believes This Semester Will Be Better

Last Saturday, our editorial team sat (far away) from fourth-year Classicist and serial optimist Landon Smegg, of Rugby, England. Though this past year has proved challenging for many socialites, who have rued the cancellation of events like Reeling Ball and secret club initiations, some students, like Mr Smegg, remain hopeful.

“No, seriously, with the vaccine coming out and the most vulnerable being taken care of, the government will probably relax restrictions in the next few weeks,” said Mr Smegg.

“My dad works in management consulting and has a lot of connections in the Conservative Party. He has it on good authority that this will all be well behind us by Easter,” said Mr Smegg when asked whether he believed that tens of millions of vulnerable people could be safely vaccinated before the University’s annual Wellington Ball event in early April. (Mr Smegg sits on the event’s planning committee.)

“Plus, in the meantime, don’t forget we’ve also got the Can-Do initiative,” he added, referring to the University’s “programme which reimagines, experiments with, and contributes to the already-unique St Andrews experience.”

“For instance,” continued Mr Smegg, “we’ve got that Can-Do Marquee, and in particular the Panda Pod: a more relaxed common area for use both as a study space and by individual households. It’s almost like being back at the Union before Covid. 

“I mean, obviously it’s not exactly the same — we can’t do everything we used to enjoy, like ‘getting near other people’, ‘moving around’, or ‘drinking alcohol’, but if you close your eyes it’s not too hard to imagine better times.”

Mr Smegg also expressed enthusiasm over the presence of “Can-Do Marshalls”, a new team of University staff members with a remit to enforce compliance with the Covid Code.

At press time, following announcements that a new, faster-spreading strain of Covid originating in London had spread to most of Continental Europe, Mr Smegg informed the Bejant Observer’s News desk that he had booked an Airbnb on the Portuguese Riviera “till things calm down back home”.

D. A. Domestica & Wandering Albatross

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