Market Street temporarliy converted to the world’s most nothern red light district

A red hue has filled the eastern end of Market Street as the Student Association was recently converted into a for-profit university-run brothel to cover the massive budgetary deficit induced by the Covid-19 pandemic.

Speaking to our field reporter, one worker said “the move from camgirling to working in a brothel was not a natural transition for me”. The student recalls being approached by prominent figures within university leadership for the job, “they said working there would be the ‘Covid Saint’ thing to do”.

Inside the building awaits a new experience for seasoned patrons of similar establishments. The oxymoronical socially distant brothel established by the University charges 50 GBP/hr for live readings from Marquis de Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom, as well as several upsetting live performances from notable scenes in film and television.

When questioned about the University’s justification for establishing this new venture, the Questior responded “listen, the university is a business. It is about time we finally started running it like one.”

There has been no information as to how long the operation will run, but it will be interesting to follow one of the many initiatives from the top to prevail through financial hardship.

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