Follow The Money: Where Did The Rest Of Your Polo Refund Go?

The 1976 Oscar-nominated film “All the President’s Men” covers the true story of Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein who broke the Watergate Scandal. In the film and in real life, whistle blower “Deep Throat” encouraged the reporters to “follow the money” and discover just how high up the scandal went.

Earlier this month, the St Andrews Polo Tournament Committee announced the event was cancelled due to COVID-19 and that only a partial refund would be offered to those who had bought tickets. This decision has left thousands of students furious over the announcement and the loss of their money. A more important question remains however; where is all that money going, if it isn’t all getting refunded? 

The first point of contact was with Taylor Hickory, the self styled “Don” of St Andrews equestrian activities. He offered us the following statement:

“I’m making you an offer you can’t refuse. Like, literally, you can’t refuse this, there’s no full refund option. How much of a refund are we giving you? Good question—but I won’t tell you. You may be wondering, is this legal? Well, I’m wondering the same thing.”

An unrelated legitimate businessman making an unrefusable offer.

With all other members of the committee refusing to make an official statement, and Police Scotland moving to open an official investigation, leads were drying up fast. If we were going to find where those refunds were heading, it would require diving headfirst into a pile of horse dung to get you, our readers, the truth that you deserve.

Following the trail of promotional Facebook posts, we discovered that the tournament committee from years past had close ties to large financial institutions—last year’s director, for example, now works with Deutsche Bank. Could it be that the tournament is in service to Big Bankers who pull the strings of society? Does this event serve only to legitimise the unsustainable lifestyles of the top 1% of the 1%? Are the students of St Andrews actually blind sheep brought along for the ride? According to Corporate Feudalism, students are at the bottom of the pack:

The natural order, according to the Polo Committee.

Another question that no one is asking is if this cash trail leads all the way to Oklahoma. After all, this would explain the unexplained: the sale of Joe Exotic’s unwanted tigers to an unnamed buyer. Who else but an organization devoted to animals would make such a purchase? The similarities, it seems, are all too obvious, and no one else is asking this question. Mr. Exotic could not be reached for comment.

Another sane, reasonable argument supported by evidence.

As Donald Trump famously said in the 2016 election, “Everything you need to know about Hillary Clinton can be understood by this simple phrase: follow the money.” The same can be said for the St Andrews Polo Tournament. Whether it’s sending emails from a private server, or selling uranium to Russians, or ripping off your brother and sister students, this timeless idiom has helped dig to the bottom of scandals all around us. Follow the money, because who knows where it might lead.

-W. Alex Jones

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