The greater St. Andrews community was shocked this week with the revelation that a beloved long time university spokesman had engaged in an act of senseless racial insensitivity. Rory McLion, the face of the St Andrews Charity campaign and renowned furry rights activist, was shown to be in a terribly racist costume dating from a party in the late 1980’s. Images from Mr. McLion’s high school year book show the future university mascot in a “pandaface” costume, with his eyes and portions of his face blacked with mascara to create the desired effect. Also visible in the photo was another man in a Micheal Jackson costume (Thriller Era) and a certain governor of Virginia wearing bedsheets, all posing with the future Sultan of Canada.
Mr. McLion, when asked to explain his presence in these images, said it was a “different time” when the photo was taken, and he’s now a completely different inanimate plush costume today than the one that was in use then. He also stressed he eats regularly at Panda Express, and that he “has a ton of (Panda) friends.”
The student community was in an uproar over the revelation, and a petetion demanding that McLion be removed from his position, has already garnered several hundred signatures. Sarah Globe-Rock, promised to look into the matter “as soon as enough rich American alumni get upset about it.”
To determine if this incident is going to have any long term damage on the university’s reputation, this paper planned to contact the following international champions of social justice: His Eminence Bishop Desmond Tutu, the Honorable Reverend Al Sharpton, former Democratic Presidential hopeful Jesse Jackson, an ouigi board said to posses the soul of Rev Dr Martin Luther King Jr, and the man who designed Rev Dr Martin Luther King Jr Boulevard Street Parkway Memorial Highway. Unfortunately, we did not account for time zone differences when writing this story.
-W. Alex Jones, Pisces ‘21