Pulling in at the rear while still making the cut of this prestigious list is Dervish, located at 13 Bell Street in St Andrews. The pleasant smells of roasting kebab filled our noses as we entered the shop. The humble working man could be seen sharpening his hair cutting instruments behind the stalls. Unfortunately, our investigators were unable to order a haircut, for reasons that remain unclear. When asked for comment, their spokesman responded with the following statement:
“We are not a barbershop. We don’t know how you could possibly think that. The sign outside very clearly states ‘kebab, pizza, and burgers.’ We do not now and have never offered haircuts. NUMBER TWENTY ONE! Now, please order something or get out, we are very busy. Are you drunk or something? PLEASE GUYS NUMBER TWENTY ONE! COME ON! I mean, really, in what world would you think we are a barbershop? AH, NUMBER TWENTY ONE, CHIPS AND CURRY SAUCE, HAVE A NICE DAY. NUMBER TWENTY TWO!”
The decor in Dervish clearly emphasised the owner’s strong Turkish heritage, and effigies of the glorious leader Ataturk could be seen hanging in several locations. Also pictured was the skyline of Istanbul(Greek Constantanople). When asked how they felt on the use of this controversial image, Dervish offered no comment. When we attempted to search the basement to try and locate where the barbershop was, our investigative team was defenestrated through the main window.
Customer Service 99/100
Aroma 5 ½ / 8
#72 The Barber’s Pole
The prestigious Barber’s Pole, located at 134 South Street, St Andrews, is among the oldest haircutting institutions in Fife. In the barbershops of days past, a large pole was erected in the town centers to advertise their business to the populace. The Barber’s Pole to have first erected a pillar in the 11th century to offer haircuts to the monks of St Andrews, who required frequent tonsuring. Nowadays, they are a much more secular operation
Despite this shop’s name, we were unable to find its titular “pole” anywhere in or around the store. We repeatedly requested to see the barber’s “pole” but they directed us to St James’ Catholic Church, who in turn gave us the number to the Vatican hotline to report child sex abuse. While leaving, however, one barber offered us his phone number and promised to show us the evasive pole around roughly 1:15 am next Friday at “his place.” Despite the best efforts of this newspaper, we were unable to make such an appointment.
Written by W. Alex Jones ’21