FROM THE EDITORS: As part of the Observer’s longstanding tradition of hard-hitting investigative journalism, one of our reporters was able to obtain screenshots of a private email chain between first year David Samuels, the recently elected Head of Events for James Brown Hall (JBH), and Deputy Warden Ben Lewis-Sanfor. These emails reveal a deep pattern of neglect and a lack of inclusion on the part of Mr Samuels which led to his eventual removal from office.
SUBJECT: RE: Hawaiian Hall Party Risk Assessment
Just touching base with you regarding the Risk Assesment you sent to me last night. To be frank, I do have some concerns. (Don’t worry—as this is your fist RA it’s totally normal for there to be some rather teething issues! I don’t doubt you’ll get the hang of things soon!) In particular, I am unsure about the inclusion of the disco ball/theme, tiki-torches, and ‘Hawaiian’ outfits. Please let me know a time you are free to stop by the wardennial office for a quick chat.
Deputy Warden, James Brown Hall
PhD Candidate in Epistemelogical Physics and Animal Magnetism
SUBJECT: RE:RE: Hawaiian Hall Party Risk Assessment
Hi Ben I’m actually really busy this week due to classes and hockey training. Could you please clarify your concerns over email? What is wrong with the disco ball exactly??
Sent from my iPhone
SUBJECT: RE:RE:RE Hawaiian Hall Party Risk Assessment
I am rather busy with my PhD research myself, but not to worry, we can handle this over email 🙂 .
Regarding the disco ball, as you are no doubt aware, flashing “strobe” lights in a dark environment could be harmful to students prone to epilepsy and other neurological conditions—not to mention I do not think that this type of function would mesh with the image and culture of James Brown Hall that us on the Wardennial Team have worked so hard to maintain.
(As an aside, it might be helful for you to review page 498 of the Community Handbook, heading ‘Health, Safety, and Conduct’, subheading ‘Party? More like “massive potential for severe injury and costly legal action!”‘)
SUBJECT: RE:RE:RE:RE Hawaiian Hall Party Risk Assessment
Of course, I didn’t think of that. We will forget about the disco ball… But what were your concerns about fake tiki-torches and Hawaiian outfits again?
SUBJECT: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE Hawaiian Hall Party Risk Assessment
I am aware that the tiki-torches are ‘fake’ and contain no open flame, but remember that any unguarded and irregular eletronic device, especially those in an environment in which people will be carrying open containers of liquid, are a potential risk (per Community Handbook, ‘Health, Safety, and Conduct’.)
OK — no tiki-torches… Anything else?
SUBJECT: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE: Hawaiian Hall Party Risk Assessment
There is the final issue of the ‘Hawaiian outfits’ and the broader theme of your proposed party.
Encouraging students to ‘come get LIT and wear your brightest Hawaiian shirts, grass skirts, and lay-necklaces’ raises concerns surrounding cultural appropriation. (Regarding this point, it might be helpful for you to review the Community Handbook, heading ‘Diversity and Inclusion’, subheading ‘Beware the “Trudeau moment”‘.)
Perhaps it would be best if the party does not have a theme that alludes to a particular culture or national group?
I’m sorry to say, but for these aforementioned reasons I will have to postpone your ‘party’ indefinitely.
TO (GROUP): email@example.com
SUBJECT: ‘HAWAIIAN’ Party Friday
I know many of you were looking forward to Friday night’s Hawaiian-themed party, and I am sorry to inform you of its cancellation as a result of problems with its Risk Assessment.
On a somewhat related note, we are currently holding new election for Head of Events — those interested should message the official hall wardennial account before noon tomorrow.
Finally, recent incidents have made it abundantly clear that certain individuals might benefit from reviewing the James Brown Hall Community Handbook, particularly the under the heading ‘Toleration, Decency, and Respect’, subheading ‘Respecting Authority, or: Hey, you can’t talk to me like that — I’m the deputy warden”‘).
I wish all of you a merry weekend!
P.S. If I catch anyone trying to go through with this ‘Hawaiian’ party even after the risk assessment was rejected then I will ensure that you face trial and are fined accordingly.
Disclaimer: This article is not a reference to any real events and should not be interpreted as such
Written by Dylan Schadenfreude ’21, Capricorn